Went to the casino last Friday and it was intensely boring. I think I'd rather spend money than gamble it. When you sign up for membership they give you $10 to play with, and you choose whether to give it to the table or give it to the machines. I opted to feed it to the pokies. You need to put $1 in the machine to activate your credits, so they force you to gamble a dollar anyway. I pressed random buttons and lost eight of my eleven dollars. So I took the three remaining dollars and walked to the doppelganger Passionflower with my cousin once removed. He ended up buying ice cream for me, so in the end I profited three dollars and a ginger ice cream.

I put my name in the barrel and fully expected to be drawn and win at least $5000 but I didn't (surprisingly). That's not sarcasm. I was struck by a gentle shower of optimism and really believed I'd win. Luckily, it's gone now. I don't think I'll go again.

On the bright side, they had huge eels in the fish tanks. I think I spent about two hours looking at them, waiting to get a lift home.

I'm in a pit of pessimism post-Christmas. I'd forgotten how terrible the holiday season in Australia is.

1. All the relatives you love are overseas, but all the annoying ones are here, and you have to try to be nice to them even if they ask you the same question six times in a row and keep trying to make you eat.

2. There's nothing to do. The post-Christmas sales are boring, and there are people everywhere.

3. This year was miserable compared to last year, and I can only expect that life will get slightly worse every year.

It's been so long since we've had to be here for Christmas that I don't think we know how to do it anymore. It was like any other weekend, except we said "Merry Christmas" to each other in the morning, and everything on TV was crap.

The only good thing about this year was that I didn't have to pretend to be Christian, which was a relief. I'm not allowed to tell people I'm atheist (because that would bring shame and ruin upon the family), so whenever it's Christmas I have to pretend to be the world's most apathetic Christian.
"How often do you go to church?"
"Once a year."
"Do you go to any youth groups?"
"No."
"Do you go to any bible study groups?"
"No."
"Do you want to come with me?"
"No."

I remembered why I stopped doing creative writing. After writing from midnight to 3 ay em every day (the only hours when I can concentrate) I had a series of realistic dreams. They were about mundane things like "When GJs Hurstville was Renovated and Leana Transferred There and I went to Visit Her," and "When William had a Haircut" and "When a Costume Shop Opened Next to Colorado." Upon waking, I didn't realise they were dreams, but thought they were memories of something I did last week. This resulted in a nasty shock when I tried to visit the Costume Shop. So anyway, I've reduced my output and now I can tell what's real again. Excellent.

NYR 2006: At least try to be normal.
NYR 2006: Get real job.